You know how themes tend to run through our lives? Well a main theme in my life is support. This theme has actually determined my profession—as a coach I provide support for people until they feel empowered to support their own lives.
I had a dream about support last week, and it popped up again in a spiritual text I was reading this morning. I guess it is up for me to look at and so I will, here with you.
Support is one of those things I could have used a whole lot more of when I was young. My parents were busy dealing with there own stuff. It was the fifties, and like many others in that era providing support beyond basic needs was not on their radar.
I have worked hard to live in a supportive environment, surrounded with loving, supportive people. I consider those who do support me, by seeing and appreciating who I am, true blue friends—ones I can count on through thick and thin, even if they don’t understand what I’m going through or agree with how I am navigating my life. This feels like love to me—not based on agreement and sameness, but something deeper: trust and appreciation of my individuality.
This is all good news and truly a blessed way to live. However, ultimately support comes from inside. When it is externally focused, it is at the whim of circumstance, where the rug can get pulled out from under us at the blink of an eye, the flip of a mood, the collapse of a goal, the devaluing of an experience by someone else.
If our value and preciousness are not mirrored back to us, we can feel insecure and vulnerable; we suddenly don’t know who we are, feel like we don’t matter. One of the deepest attacks we experience is when someone says or does something that takes away our support.
When our support comes from within, true support, we experience a grounded-ness in our being, particularly in our bellies, the Hara, center of our being. This internal support feels independent of circumstance, autonomous, reliable and permanent. It allows us to be present to our lives, knowing that we are fully here, independent even of our own self-image.
“When true support comes, you feel as if you are sitting on a mountain top–
the whole mountain becomes a fountain of support for your reality.”
A. H. Almaas
True essential support is being present, with conscious awareness, having direct contact with life in a way that is meaningful for us. And that is a powerful way to live.