Last week, on the very same road my son had an accident the week before, another teenage boy was tragically killed in a car accident. Shock is expressed all over town—at the bank, the coffee shop, the pharmacy—everywhere I go I hear heart’s heavy with disbelief that another life has ended way too young; and a teenage parent’s worst nightmare has now been realized by the parents of this boy.
From the City to the Burbs
When we moved up from the city to the suburbs, my husband and I observed that the story changed from, who got mugged, to who had a car accident. Every year, someone we know, within a few degrees of separation, has died in a car accident.
It is particularly poignant for me, since both of my sons have been involved in car accidents this year—neither one their fault, but lives risked and cars destroyed just the same. We were the extremely lucky and grateful ones—no one was hurt in either case.
But having come so close to the potential for a far worse outcome, my heart is extra heavy with grief—as the saying goes, “there, but for the grace of God go I”.
The Power of Stress
When I heard of the fatal accident, I felt shock, but my head powered me on through my busy week. I was already fighting a cold from stress of my son’s earlier incident. Then with this new event, it all just became too much, and now I am flat out with Bronchitis.
I love how we are often shown truth in metaphors: I interpret the congestion in my chest now as congestion in the unexpressed feelings stuck there. The illness and then realization made me stop and, when I did, the deeper grief came pouring out.
The Body Knows
Some things have become clear: I may be able to push through mentally for a while, but my body just says no at some point and forces me to stop and process the difficult emotions.
Surrender is called for not only in embracing the good that comes our way, but also in accepting the really tough stuff. It’s all part of the mix of life and it all needs space to be felt and expressed.
Stick with the Heart
I don’t know the details of the story and I don’t want to know the details. The details just take me into my head where judgment and separation resides and out of my heart where I am obliged to feel. When I allow space in my heart and time to feel the pain of it all, the feelings can pass through, unstuck, and then transmute into compassion and love for the situation, all the people involved and for myself.
When we go right to the center of whatever we are feeling, allow it to be there, breathe into it, give it space, it passes through us and a beautiful peace comes.
All we Need is Love
The importance of showing our love to those we love—who can be everyone when we are willing to open our hearts—is crystal clear during this time of heightened awareness. Life can turn on a dime and often does. So seize the opportunity while we have it.
I send love and healing to the hearts of the family that is suffering the loss. I believe that is helpful. I think that is the best we can all give to each other and to ourselves. From a loving heart we can heal the heart of the world.
Love to you~
Wash through, And cleanse this sad heart, That holds so many losses.
Breathe new, The fresh breath start, And help me mend these fences.
It’s all here: Yin Yang, Back and forth, Up and down, Light and dark
Let flow, Through wide river beds, The being my feeling enhances.
© 2011 D Ingram